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Things Bec has learned in her duties as a sub-editor:
1. Spell check really is beyond the capabilities of some people. It just is.
2. Big words won’t make you sound smart. But they will provoke much lol-age around my office when I tell everyone how you tried to use the word ‘unequivocally’. That word does not mean what you think that word means.
3. It didn’t ‘commence’. It ‘started’.
4. Everyone hates the sub.
5. Some fucker ate sushi over my keyboard while I was away last week. I know this because there is rice and salmon between my ‘d’ and ‘f’ keys.
6. To the ‘press secretary’ from the local hospital’s ladies auxiliary: No, I will not give your morning tea a more noticeable section in the diary dates. They’re diary dates and thus chronological, it’s not my fault it’s listed between the Sweet Seductions sex toy party and that Sad Dads meeting.
7. It isn’t wise to tell the local hospital’s ladies auxiliary ‘press secretary’ to ‘suck it’. Especially not if she is the next-door neighbour of the regional manager.
8. Nobody cares that ‘I went to university for this shit’.
9. And, lets be honest, I went to university to get laid. Lots.
10. You can put all the exclamation marks you want into your copy. I will gleefully delete them.
11. It is not cute when a hung-over sports journalist decides to write an entire article in lolcat speak. You ‘can not has’ a by, you dick.
12. The quickest way to finalise a layout is to actually complete the original one, then be told that there’s been a late addition – thus rendering all of your subbing and layout completely and utterly fucking useless.
13. While it is true that as a sub people are required to occasionally do as I ask, it is neither fair nor funny for me to send the office junior looking for a ‘left handed rule’. And even if it was, we’re electronic, I don’t use a rule. And I’m not left handed. And there’s no such thing.
1. Spell check really is beyond the capabilities of some people. It just is.
2. Big words won’t make you sound smart. But they will provoke much lol-age around my office when I tell everyone how you tried to use the word ‘unequivocally’. That word does not mean what you think that word means.
3. It didn’t ‘commence’. It ‘started’.
4. Everyone hates the sub.
5. Some fucker ate sushi over my keyboard while I was away last week. I know this because there is rice and salmon between my ‘d’ and ‘f’ keys.
6. To the ‘press secretary’ from the local hospital’s ladies auxiliary: No, I will not give your morning tea a more noticeable section in the diary dates. They’re diary dates and thus chronological, it’s not my fault it’s listed between the Sweet Seductions sex toy party and that Sad Dads meeting.
7. It isn’t wise to tell the local hospital’s ladies auxiliary ‘press secretary’ to ‘suck it’. Especially not if she is the next-door neighbour of the regional manager.
8. Nobody cares that ‘I went to university for this shit’.
9. And, lets be honest, I went to university to get laid. Lots.
10. You can put all the exclamation marks you want into your copy. I will gleefully delete them.
11. It is not cute when a hung-over sports journalist decides to write an entire article in lolcat speak. You ‘can not has’ a by, you dick.
12. The quickest way to finalise a layout is to actually complete the original one, then be told that there’s been a late addition – thus rendering all of your subbing and layout completely and utterly fucking useless.
13. While it is true that as a sub people are required to occasionally do as I ask, it is neither fair nor funny for me to send the office junior looking for a ‘left handed rule’. And even if it was, we’re electronic, I don’t use a rule. And I’m not left handed. And there’s no such thing.
14 Felt Friendly | Feeling Friendly?
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